The One That...

Another topic in the 30-day Writing My Life Challenge that I'm supposed to do was about "The One That Got Away". But I'm feeling extra generous today so I'm surprising you guys with a treat! I will label all the men I've loved before with The One That... I just want to disclaim first that I have no intention of ruining the current lives of the people I will mention below. The stories are from my own point of view. That's how I saw things then and how I translate it to now. We are all happy with our separate lives so let's leave it at that. For everyone's peace of mind, I will not drop names. Fair enough? So are you guys ready? Okey here goes... nothing --

Image from ThinkPositive30.com

The One That... Started It All

F was my first boyfriend. I experienced a lot of firsts with him. He was the first big decision I made in my life, that being my disobedience to my parents' order to refrain from having boyfriends. He was the first non-family person who made me feel special, the first one to give me flowers, my first dance on our Senior Prom, the first one to take me home to mother (see what I did there? haha), my first inspiration to do better in school, my first kiss, my first love, and my first heartache (which I shared HERE). I can go on and on about the first things I did with him but I guess that one post is enough.

F, wherever you are, thank you for every first things you made me experience. I'm sorry if I was not able to keep up with your undying love for me. You are a good man and I really hope you'll find the perfect one for you.  


The One That... Taught Me Karma

Let's name him T. If you read the story of my first heartache, you'll know that T was somewhat in the scene already when F and I were on the rocks. But to wash my hands off the sin you are imagining in your head, I did not two-time F. T was not the reason why I broke up with F. It just so happened that I fell in love fast -- really fast that maybe it was also the reason why he was taken from me really fast also. Tooth for a tooth, eh? We started out as best friends, which were later on became a laughing stock among our common friends. They said that I only used that word to 'label' our relationship even before it happened. Anyhoo, we were together for only 2 months and 2 days. That was January to March. It was a pre-summer fling! Yup, we had our falling apart during the summer vacation. Coming from a clingy long-term relationship, I expected a lot from him. I wanted him to update me on how he spent his day at home during that vacation. He, on the other hand, has been single for so long that my actions were too dominating for him. He broke up with me via text. Ohh yes, he was my karma! I was left alone after leaving someone else. Sadly, our whole relationship was branded as a joke by my friends. I can still remember T and I talked sometime after our breakup. He told me that he was actually hurt about this whole 'joke' thing because he believed that our relationship was actually more than 2 months and 2 days because we were best friends longer. Oh well, given the reason of our breakup, maybe we can say that things simply didn't work out between us because we were young and immature. Timing and distance also did not cooperate with us. There are things that were left unresolved, like -- Why did he just give up? Did he fell out of love? If we were able to talk personally during the crisis, will things work out differently? I never really found out. But after all the pain and hatred, I still respected him too much that it did not tarnish my opinion that he is a great man. I believe that we are both good people, maybe just not good enough for each other at that time.

T, after all the things that happened (and didn't happen), I still want to thank you for the friendship we shared and for the pain you made me experience, which humbled me. I still believe that you are a good man and I am truly happy for whatever is happening with your life right now. Friends forever?


The One That... Made Me Strong

The relationship I had with K was the hardest of all to talk about because it took me a long time to try to forget all the bad stuff that happened. After T, deciding to be with K was really a big leap. My comatosed-heart was brought to life because of him. I can't remember how our attraction started but I remembered asking God for a sign if he's the one. My fondest memory of it was when my BFF and I played a test game if K and I were really soulmates. For one whole week, if both of us come to school in the same color of clothes then we're meant to be together. For some weird reasons, we matched. EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. That's really fascinating! When he showed interest in me, I wanted to retract back because I never thought that things will get serious. But it did. The things he did to win me were surprising and I let things grow from there. I was finally happy in love again! When we get past a year into the relationship, I started to picture my future with him. He stayed with me during the trying times of my life. He actually even helped me financially. He was my longest relationship before things get really ugly. By ugly, I meant he cheated on me, with a friend. I was beyond devastated. My world was shaken. I wanted to die. Yup, it's that bad. I re-arranged my world around him so everyday I'm hurting. Every time I see my friends, I am reminded of the good times K and I have with them. That's the reason why I went away. I was so tired of being miserable so I decided to try to build a new world away from him, without him. I went to Laguna and worked there. I met new friends and eventually I found myself smiling again. The hurt is still there but I have learned to let go. I was introduced to a stronger me, the one that does not need him to survive. I've come to love myself better. Slowly, I eased my way back to our circle of friends. True to its promise, time heals all wounds. One day, I just found myself genuinely smiling at him. I know that I will never forget what he did to me but finally I can say that I have forgiven.

K, with all my heart I thank you. Because of you, I realized that I am stronger than I thought I was. Thank you for not taking me back even if I offered to be your number 2 after you chose her. You saved me from getting stuck to being a pathetic 'mistress'. But know that I do not regret doing that. You know why? Because that's one what-if off my list. At least, I can say that I did my best to fight for you. Thank you for leaving me with my pride. If you didn't let me go, I wouldn't have met D. I would not be as happy as I am today. And you wouldn't have met your wife also, so I guess you have to thank me too? 


The One That... Never Was

C and I never really had an 'official' relationship. Maybe if you'll ask C about me, he'll just say that there's no us. But I'd like to put him up in this list since I exerted a bit of real emotions for him. That 'thing' that C and I shared happened a few months after K and I broke up. Yes, it was during the time that I'm hurting and you can say that C was my rebound. I was so desperate to be happy that I encouraged everything that makes me smile. My friends knew that I have a long-time crush with C so they supported my flirtations. Before I knew it, we were textmates and callmates, and whatsoever -mates. We talked about everything everyday until the wee hours of the next morning. We even had pet names for each other as if we were truly a couple. Because of those bonding moments, I've learned a lot of things about him. I got to know his family thru his stories. I had a glimpse of his dreams. I sympathized with his hardships. By hardships, it also include his heartbreaks. One of which was the pain a certain girl gave him. That girl, as he said, has feelings for him also but was not ready to get into a relationship so he was friend-zoned. He told me I was special, I believed him. I was special until the girl learned about us and decided that I cannot take 'her' man away. Silly me fought back with something I was not proud of doing. The once special-turned silly me was left alone, friend-zoned.

C, what happened? Hahaha! But it's ok, I'm fine, you're fine, she's fine. We're all doing fine! I just want to thank you for keeping me from killing myself because of my past heartache. Maybe that's your purpose in my life noh? Geee thanks!


That One More Chance

And finally, my favorite story. I have blogged about our love story HERE. You might ask why That One More Chance? What do you think was the state of my heart after all these stories above? I was traumatized! There was one season in my life where I just tired myself to death so I can just sleep at night without thinking. But on some unsuccessful nights, I just cried myself to sleep. My Laguna friends (including D) helped me to be happy again. They taught me that one does not need a love life just to be happy, that happiness is always a choice. Slowly, I was taken out of the darkness. But still I do not want to fall in love again. I had several episodes of play times with boys before D, but as I said, that's all play. And then the unexpected happened, D and I found ourselves in love. The hesitant me did not know what to do but eventually decided to just let the book unfold naturally. I said - Just One More Chance. If after this, I will still fail then I will stop my heart from loving next time. And as you know, the rest is history.

D, life with you is not perfect but I'm enjoying every minute of it -- happy, sad and all. I do not need to write what I feel here because I have all my life to say it to you personally. I'm actually looking forward to growing old with you. You are truly my one more chance I never thought I'd find. I love you, miel. Always.


So that's it. I'll leave you guys with this quote that one of my best professors in college gave me - It's the lover, not the love, that broke your heart. No matter what heartache you'll go through, always choose to love. It does not necessarily mean the opposite sex kind of love. Maybe you can love yourself more? Or better yet, it is not too late to offer your life to our Creator. It is His in the first place. Then maybe if you pray hard enough and He thinks you deserve it, He'll give you what your heart desires.


With so much love,
Yosh

Something that happened in the mall

http://medical-diagonosis.wonderhowto.com

Of all the things I did in the mall, may it be alone or with someone or with a bunch of people, this story is the most memorable. Why? Because I did something cringe-worthy.

I POOPED IN THE MALL! :D

I know! You can laugh now. I tried to keep myself from doing that because the mall that day was too crowded but nature's call was too loud. I excused myself from our friends and told them that I just need to use the restroom. Unfortunately, one of my friends joined me. So the two of us fell in line to use one of the public toilets. I asked to go first since I cannot hold it anymore. I was perspiring all over, I cannot even talk. On my turn to use the cubicle, I felt relieved that I was able to make it in time. I didn't poop on my pants. Yay! As I was wiping myself, I realized I have a new problem. The smell of what I just did was lingering in the air and my friend will use the toilet next. I do not have a match or any perfume with me to freshen the air. What to do? Oh crap, I just went out and told my friend that the one before me pooped so it's not smelling nice. I really just need to use the restroom to pee so I ignored the smell. Upon smelling the cube, she decided she did not need to pee. Yass!

I do not know if my friend bought my story or she's just too shy to tell it to my face that I'm the one who did that. Whatevs! After that incident, I always make sure that I poop before I leave the house. Or for emergency purposes, I have to find a less crowded public toilet.

Moving onnnnnn.. :P


Totally embarrassed,
Yosh

Bad week

If you have read my last post, you probably are expecting stories of our holy week escapades in this post. I was supposed to. But 'things' happened and I got too lonely to blog about happy things. It seemed like God tested my faith this week.

At the start of the week, I was welcomed by a bad news at work. I am to lose some and regain things I thought I was able to finally get rid before. What's even worse was that I was informed that everything will happen in a span of a week. But since I promised myself not to write anything work related anymore I won't dwell on the details. 

Health-wise, this week was hell. My throat acted up again. Maybe I should really obliged by my doctor's order to have my tonsils removed. What do you think guys?

Then, there's this happy-sad announcement. I felt genuinely happy for the recipient of the good news but at the same time I was sad that again I was left behind. You know how 'comparing yourself to others' suck. I know but I still can't help it.

It was Thursday when Courageous Caitie was taken by the Lord. If you haven't heard her story yet, she was that three year old girl who went through a lot because the doctors cannot figure out what's wrong with her. It was only after a few months and a lot of tests done that she was finally diagnosed with a rare type of leukemia. I was deeply affected by her story because her parents were from the wedding industry and her mother is one of the women I look up to in our NewlyWeds@Work group. I do not know them personally and I am not even a mother yet to relate to the pain, but the moment I saw the picture of Jayjay Lucas hugging her lifeless child, my whole being was shaken. I cried for the people I do not know - for Caitie, she fought a good battle but still lost. - for her parents, it is already a challenge to get over the pain of losing someone, but the thought that after all these they still have bills to pay. Oh Lord, please help them.

Next week is still a mystery for me. My life is about to repoint to somewhere I'm scared to go. Right now, I am convincing myself that change is good. The Lord will be with me. I will not be alone. Can you guys pray for me?

But before all that, it's the weekend. Let's try to enjoy!

Scared but excited,

Yosh

ATM: The feels

Have you ever experienced wishing for something but then it didn't happen? I did. I still do. 

I usually cry when this happens but lately I found this "inner peace" inside of me. I guess God has touched my soul and reminded me that it's not the time yet. Whenever it is, I will just hope and wait.

Sharing with you the quote that made me feel good through these trying times.

For all it's worth,
Yosh

Babe, I love you

Exactly, one month ago we buried a friend. Although I was not there, I felt the sadness. More so, I'm feeling it every time I read a post from his facebook account. His partner, my friend, uses his account now to post their memories. And everyday I'm feeling his pain. I wish I can always be beside him to hug him and to tell him I'll always be there if he needs me (or even if not).

ATM, he posted another memory again. #thefeels

Jebs, for you...
Hanggang kailan mo titingnan ang inyong mga larawan..
Hanggang kailan ka iiyak hanggang ikaw ay tumahan..
Kaibigan, mapahanggang kailan, ako ay nandito handa kang damayan.

#fridayfeels,

Yosh

I hate this game

I never hated a game this much. Not until I was introduced to TABOO. My whole existence hates this game. Well, don't get me wrong, this game is SUPERB! It just caught me off-guard. Ending, I was humiliated. To the bones! I won't give you any more details now since it really hit me hard.

Someday. Maybe someday. 

I love myself,

Yosh

The 30-day Writing My Life Challenge (Day 2) : Your First Heartbreak

When they say heartbreak, it meant romantically related heartache no? I'm initially thinking of talking about the time when my father left us (valid diba?) pero I assume you guys won't like to read about that so I will talk about my first relationship na lang. Keri?

OK. But let me just say sorry first to my ex for telling our story to the world. It might turn bad since I'll be talking about the 'heartbreak' per se. Pero no one reads my blog naman e. :P and this might be good so people will be aware of my side of the story. 

Let's go back to memory lane...

Let's call him F. I've loved him when I was not allowed to. Yes guys, high school po ito, 4th year to be exact. We were young and so in love then. So wapakels na sa parents. In short, naglaro kami ng taguan. Well, sa side ko lang naman. Hindi alam ni mama na may BF na ako. Sa side nila, aware naman si mudra nya. 

Everything was happy and rosy. We were seeing each other EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Wala e, in love e! Until we went to college.. At first, keri pa naman namin kahit magkaiba kami ng school. We can easily meetup naman sa SM Centerpoint - one ride away for me and walking distance naman for him. What we did na lang is sabay kami pumapasok every day then sabay din kami uuwe. The papasok part, madali lang since pareho kami ng schedule, the pauwe part ang mahirap. That for me was when the problem started...

I found close friends out of my college blockmates. Shempre, first time namin makawala sa totoong mundo so we wanted to explore the world. We were in the phase of our life na gusto namin always gumimik. Kahit tambay lang sa dorm ng isang classmate tapos bili ng isang gin bulag at boy bawang, solve na! But meron akong schedule. If my uwian is 1:30PM and F's uwian is 4:30 and my friends wants to hang out pa, better for me kasi may tatambayan ako before kami magkita ni F. Ang problema pag baligtad. Ako ang 4:30, sya ang 1:30, I can't go out with my friends, kailangan ko sumibat ura-urada. You know why? Kasi hindi ako papayagan ni F. Somehow, let's give it a name, mejo may insecurities si F kasi hindi nya pa kilala ang friends ko. And having taken Engineering, alam nya na marami akong classmates na boys. Seloso kasi sya ng slight. Kahit wala naman dapat pagselosan. Oh well, pareho naman kaming sport ang jealousy. Hehe

At first. I'm fine with it. Until that moment na magoovernight dapat kami ng friends sa bahay nina Muf one weekend. Ok na lahat, sasama na lahat. Ready na ang CD ng movie. Napagplanuhan na namin ang itutumba naming baka (corned beef na ulam). Nakapagpaalam na din ako sa mama ko at ok lang daw. But then nung nagpaalam ako kay F, boom hindi daw pwede! At bilang mabait akong jowa, sinunod ko sya. Monday came, ang saya-saya ng kwentuhan ng tropa tapos sabi nila - Sayang, ikaw lang ang wala. WHAT.THE.FCUK. Nakakasakal.

But wait, ok pa kami nito. Ok pa ako nito.

The 'real' falling apart phase for me was when he 'almost' hit me. Yup, hit as in sasapakin. I cannot exactly remember the reason why we were fighting that time. Siguro kasi I am really trying hard to forget, but somehow I cannot erase that moment in my system. Sorry na guys, Scorpio e! Anyhoo, going back.. I remembered sitting inside their living room. Bukas pa ang TV nila nun. Si tita ay nasa loob ng kwarto. Nagtatalo kami about something. Then napikon ako so I decided na mag-walkout. Ugali ko yun e, ayoko kasi ng confrontation. He was seated near the main door so dun ako dumaan sa may kitchen. But pag dun ka kasi dadaan, you have to go around pa rin which is ang ending e dadaan ka rin sa may main door. So ayun nga, sinalubong nya ako and then I said, "Uuwe na ako." Nun nya ako inambaan ng suntok. Buti na lang dumating si Tita at pinigil sya. Sabi ko nun kay tita - "Uuwe na po ako." But hindi nya ako pinayagan. Umupo daw muna kami at kumalma. Nakakahiya daw sa kapitbahay if makikita akong umiiyak. So I obliged. While I was sitting trying to calm myself down (I was crying hard kasi), F tried to say sorry pero wala na mga ateng e. Ang nasa utak ko nun, kung hindi ba dumating si Mama nya itutuloy nya ba ang suntok saken? I was so scared of him. To quote Gone Girl - he might kill me, he may truly kill me. OA, I know.

The next few weeks were a blur na. Parang auto pilot na lang ako. I don't know if nafeel ni F yun, but I'm falling apart na. There was this one time pa na while my classmates and I were waiting for our next subject, nakaupo kami nun sa hallway, I just started crying. I remembered my pa-girl friend, Jayvee hugging me. I was so devastated that time kasi I know I love F but my fear was eating me. Jayvee asked me why not break up with him. I said I don't know if I want to. 

Fast forward to a few weeks before my 18th birthday, I realized that I'm starting to find other guys attractive. To which, nung super in love pa ako kay F, never ko kilala ang feelings na yun. I particularly liked this one close friend. But then, I killed my emotions. Hindi pwede to, I have a boyfriend, I love him, may problema lang ako but I can still work this out. 

My 18th birthday came, F finally agreed to go to my house. That's the first time na ipapakilala ko sya kay mama. For the longest time, I was trying to convince him to go meet my mother pero ayaw nya kasi kinakabahan daw sya. Hindi ko na sya pinilit pa kasi kahit ako takot din. But on my 18th birthday, he came. Ewan kung dahil ba special occasion o dahil nasense na din nya na he needed to do that or lose me. Ohh baka nagtataka kayo, very simple lang po kasi ang 18th birthday ko. Day swimming lang with my college friends then konting handa lang sa bahay for my relatives and high school friends. Walang cotillion chever. So yun nga, he came that night. I'm happy. But right there and then, I know wala na talaga. 

A little over one week after my birthday, November 19 to be exact, we were seated outside their house. That's when I told him na I'm breaking up with him. I told him I still love him, with all my heart (totoo yan) but I needed to do this. Kasi that time, no matter how much I love him, hindi na ako masaya na magkasama kami. And for the record, that was not because I like someone else. Scroll up, and read - I killed my emotions for that boy. That 'almost suntok' event broke my trust and my heart. And I needed to get out before it consumes me. 

Ayaw nya pumayag nun to break up. Kasi mahal ko pa daw sya. Ayusin daw namin. Pero sabi ko sa kanya, more than one month ko na sinusubukan ayusin pero wala talaga. Nakakahiya man pero ginamit ko talaga ang line na to - IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME. Tapos sabi ko kanta ko for you yung I LOVE YOU, GOODBYE.

Pero wag ka, even after the official break up, struggle pa rin sya for me. Kasi alam ko nasaktan ko sya. And every day then, he was making me remember. Meron time na every morning inaabangan nya ako sa sakayan ng bus. Minsan inaabangan din nya ako sa sakayan pauwe (kasi alam nya class sched ko). Then palagi sya may iaabot na letter saken telling me how much he loves me and he will wait for me to be ready again. Para matapos lang, I told him, malay natin pag 5th year natin maging ready ako ulit. Pag single ka pa rin that time, e di tayo ulit. I saw his eyes lighten up. He was happy! I smiled kasi that time I said the truth.

But after a month of saying that, I regret my words. Remember the boy I killed my emotions for? Nung nalaman nya na break na kami ni F, he expressed his feelings more. I can sense na he tried na iwasan yun kasi nga naman kakagaling ko lang sa long relationship. Kaya lang bata e, nahirap pigilan ang damdamin. I found myself liking him again, and I cried. I cried because I know I'll hurt F. 

One night, pauwe ako nun, hinatid ako ni new boy. Ligawan phase pa lang kami nun. Nasa estribo side kami ng jeep - si new boy sa tabi ng door at ako sa tabi nya. All of a sudden, may sumabit. And guess who - yup, it's F. Spell A-W-K-W-A-R-D. Apparently, sinusundan pa rin nya ako. I felt his pain but I also sympathize with the new boy. Kasi naman ipinagbayad kami ng pasahe ni F. For 3 yun, nainsulto si new boy. I know, I know, it's my fault. Break na kami ni F, alam ni new boy yung about kay F, fault ko pa rin ba? Oo kasi di ko sinusunod ang 3-month rule? Hindi pa naman kami ni new boy ah! Fault ko pa rin kasi nagpapaligaw na ako? Fault ko na pinaasa ko sya nung sinabi ko na baka pag 5th year na kami pwede kami magkabalikan e tapos eto one month after nagpapaligaw na ako sa iba? Ok sige mali na ako. And I was hurting like hell for what I made him do.

I continued to try to avoid my feelings towards the new boy, but then another month passed and wala na, I was swept away. I'm still hurting kasi alam ko pag nalaman ni F to masasaktan na naman sya but my desire to be happy was much stronger so I gave in. And true enough, I saw the hurt in his eyes. Unti-unti, he started to disappear in my life. 

And then karma hit me. After two months and two days, the new boy left me. Even if I was hurting because of the new boy, I'm still thinking about F. Siguro ipinagdasal nya na makarma ako. Or siguro will lang talaga ni God to kasi may sinaktan akong tao. Whichever it was, I know I deserved it. 

Side story: I forgot to tell you that F and I are in the same circle of friends in high school. When we broke up, I distanced myself from them. That's when he told his story siguro. Pati yung about the new boy. Fast forward to one year after our breakup, I went to see them. Galit sila saken for what they know I did. Tapos lasing and bitter effect pa si F that time kaya supported ang story. So sabi ko, tama na, it's time you hear my story. I don't know if they believed me na hindi ko tinutime ang friend nila. I remembered being hurt nun kasi jinudge nila ako without hearing my side of the story. Still a heartbreaker moment because of him.

And akala nyo ba dun na nagtapos yun? Nope. January 2010 nagreunion ulit ang tropa. Note that 8 years ago na yung breakup namin ha, I'm with D na that time. Inuman, kwentuhan, kantahan. Tapos nung nalasing biglang nagwalk out na naman si F nung nagkaasaran about us. Hindi naman maiiwasan yun sa tropa diba? E napuno na ang lola nyo! Usually kasi hahayaan ko lang sya. Ayun sinundan ko sya at kinausap ko. Sabi ko - "Ano pa ba ang kailangan ko gawin para mapatawad mo pa ako? Iginanti ka na ng Diyos sa akin. 2 beses na rin ako iniwan ng lalake after mo. Gusto mo ba lumuhod pa ako sa harap mo para mapatawad mo lang ako." He said sorry after that and promised na ok na sya. 

I don't know na what happened to him after that. We're FB friends but he seldom updates his FB so wala na ako balita sa kanya. Every now and then I get to hear news about him. Nung at last nakagraduate na rin sya and may work na. I felt relieved. For sometime kasi I felt responsible for what happened to his life. Mejo hindi kasi sya nakagraduate on time and very different sya from the F that I know na mataas ang pangarap. It might be because of what I did to him, or maybe not. Where ever he is, I hope he is well and I hope napatawad na nya talaga ako for good. If you see him, please tell him I'm sorry for everything.

Ohh para may face naman behind the kwento. Sila lang ang bisita ko sa bahay nung 18th birthday ko (aside from my relatives). There's 2 guys in the photo. Hulaan nyo na lang kung sino. :P

The good and the bad,

Yosh

When I die...

Our family has been dealing with a lot of deaths lately. Last year, my lola's brother died of cancer. Early this month, my grandfather from the other side died also. Not sure of the reason since I'm not talking to them (wasn't able to go too since I'm on the US, and even if I'm here, I'm not sure if I want to go). Going back, just this Monday, another brother of the same grandmother died because of heart attack. And her other sister is now battling a disease. Too many things happening.

Then suddenly, it dawned on me. What if I die now? I don't want to think about it but I know I have to. A lot of people depends on me now. If I die, they will suffer financially and emotionally. I have to get some sort of insurance or at least a memorial plan. 

While on this thought, these questions ran in my mind. Given the chance to decide --

1. How do I want to be presented in my wake? 

2. Should I be cremated?

3. Do I want to be buried underground or in an urn inside our house?

Ok, a little morbid, but I'm sure this will be extremely helpful for my loved ones. Here's my answers --

1. Definitely, I do not want people to see me on my wake. But right now, I'm not sure yet if I want to be cremated. Maybe if I'll have a contagious disease, that would be preferable. I'm yet to decide if I'll retain my body as is, then just have a closed-casket funeral or I just want my urn to be displayed. Either way, no face for the people to see. I want them to remember me at my most beautiful moment. If I get sick, I do not want them to see my unhealthy face. If I get run over by a car, I do not want them to see bruises. If I get killed, I do not want them to sense my fear while dying. If I die on my sleep, I do not want them to see that I'm thinking of a problem before I sleep... Given those thoughts, I want a large portrait of me displayed in the wake. My most beautiful picture please! 

2. As mentioned in 1, I'm not sure yet. I have nothing against cremation. Then I want my casket to be closed so a beautiful white casket wont be necessary. If I die tomorrow, I'll let my family decide. Hehe! Maybe choose the cheaper option.

3. Of course, buried! If I get cremated, oh please do not put my urn inside the house. That's creepy! Ok here's what I want. Even if I'll be cremated, I want to be buried underground. Not the apartment types where the urns are placed ha? You know those little boxes piled up together? No way! I want to be buried underground, with grass, with lapida, with a place for my family to sit on and with a place for the kids to run when they visit me on my birthday. In short, I want to be buried in a memorial garden. Mental note: buy a lot in Mt. Zion or Taytay Memorial or Holy Gardens Taytay.

BONUS ITEMS!

WAKE

- Do NOT hold my wake in our house. I do not want my family to remember that this is the spot where Yosh's urn or casket was placed during the wake. Something like that. Rent a chapel! There usually is one inside the cemetery.

- Fill my wake with white flowers

- Use white casket. If possible, use white for everything. 

- Play my favorite music! I want a happy vibes wake. Oh well, it depends on how I died no? But really it's fine by me if you'll play cards or if there'll be terembe or sakla or bingo. That will pull more people, right? And I want more people in my wake!

- Serve butong kalabasa. I enjoy that during wakes!

INTERMENT

- I want everyone to wear white shirts. 

- Release white balloons

- I want my closest friends to speak about me on my last mass. I'll name them for you to hunt - my husband, of course; from my family - Tito Arvin; from my college friends - Joann; from my work friends - Lara. If other people want to speak, let them! I'll be by the sidelines, listening.

- No pang-patay songs while you guys are walking me to the cemetery. No "Hindi kita malilimutan". Argh! Nothing too vulgar also, I do not want that much attention. Play some love songs. Sitti songs or Kyla songs will do.

Here's my peg to give you a better picture --

Wake of Ms.Patty (RIP) of Nonstopbabble. Photo grabbed from Mommy Fleur blog. 

I know you're gonna miss me when I'm gone but please try not to cry. It's hard, I know! Hahaha! Ohh and please do tell my family this when I die so my wish will be granted.


Maybe I'm sad that's why I'm writing this,
Yosh

Kira, the Criminal Killer

Do you guys know Kira? I don't! Hahaha!

SOURCE

Here he is! As defined HERE, Kira is a God-like figure who kills evil people as punishment for their sins. Individuals who write many names in the Death Note and end up getting noticed by the public are generally given the title. Though they are different individuals, the public views them as one entity. In the Kira investigation, however, several differences in methods of killing are spotted, and it is determined by those working on the case that there is more than one "Kira". They are each given different names accordingly.

So sya pala ang isa sa mga Kira! Sa Death Note pala sya. Kaya pala hindi ko kilala. Hehe! Anyway, so why am I telling his story pala. It's because my friend, Rose, gave me a dog. A Japanese Spitz to be exact. His original name was Black Eye but we wanted to name him something Japanese. It was D who named him Kira. At first I was hesitant pa, kasi diba girl sounding yung name? But he said na gwapo nga daw si Kira. So I looked him up in Google and eto nga ang nakita ko. Hmmm cute naman nga. And okay na rin for our new baby boy! At least topic sya ng usapan why Kira if he's a boy. Haha!

Take a look at our new baby and then tell me if bagay sa kanya ang new name nya.

Isn't he the cutest? Oohh which reminds me, one week na sya sa bahay and I still need to bring him to a vet to get him dewormed. Super laki ng tyan! Super siba kasi. Argh

Anyhoo, welcome to the family Kira!

Still missing Didith but loving the new Kira,

Yosh

How to apply for a Student Driver's License in the Philippines

DISCLAIMER: THE DETAILS I WROTE HERE ARE ACCURATE AS OF 2014. PLEASE VISIT LTO SITE REGULARLY FOR CHANGES.

I'm so confident to write this post. You know why? Because I applied for a student driver's license twice!! Hahaha! Before you think of anything else, I got approved naman on both applications. Problem was di ako nagpursue to learn how to drive on my first student license so ayun naexpire lang nang di ako nakaapply ng non-pro (the real thing). With this new one, I intend to really learn na. 

To help you guys out, here's the steps I took:

1. I researched muna. I read the LTO site and some other blog sites so as to educate myself. Some details I learned:

Qualifications:
1. Must be at least sixteen (16) years old.
2. Must be physically and mentally fit to operate a motor vehicle.
3. Must be able to read and write in Filipino or English.

Requirements:

1. Original with photocopy of birth certificate.
In the absence thereof, any of the following:
a. Joint affidavit of two (2) disinterested persons who know the applicant and who can attest to his/her age and identity accompanied by non-availability of record from NSO or local civil registry office.
b. Any legal document to prove his age and identity such as GSIS, SSS, Passport or any government issued identification card.
2. For applicants below 18 years old, require parent’s or guardian’s written consent with photo copy of ID Card to prove his/her identity. If not accompanied by parent/guardian, the written consent must be duly notarized.
3. Taxpayer’s Identification Number (TIN) if employed
4. Duly accomplished Application for Driver’s License (ADL).

Procedures:

1. Proceed to the Customer Service Counter to get your checklist of requirements and secure a Driver’s License Application Form. (This form is available for download here. You can accomplish this form prior to transacting your business at the LTO.) Get a queue number and wait for your number to be called.
2. When your number is called, proceed to evaluator counter and submit all the required documents and have it checked for completeness and authenticity.
3. Proceed to the Photo taking /Signature Area to have your picture and signature taken when your name is called.
4. Proceed to the Cashier when your name is called to pay the necessary fees and obtain an Official Receipt.
5. Proceed to the Releasing Counter when your name is called and present the Official Receipt and claim the Student Driver’s Permit.

Venue: Any Licensing Center / District Office with DL Transactions

Fees and Charges:

Student Permit (SP) Fee	Php. 150.00
Application Fee	100.00
Computer Fee	67.63
TOTAL	317.63

For more detailed instructions, please click on the LTO site link above.

2. I downloaded and answered the Application for Driver's License form (which I downloaded from the LTO site also). Then I also printed my requirements. In my case, I prepared (1) Original and photocopy of my NSO Birth Certificate (2) Original and photocopy of my Marriage License (3) Photocopy of my SSS Digitized ID (4) Photocopy of my TIN ID (5) Photocopy of my Passport. 

3. We went to LTO Binangonan Extension Office very early. As in by around quarter to 7 am nakapila na kami. Sadly, mejo mahaba na ang line when we get there. To think na 8am pa ang open ng office ha. Argh. By the way, LTO Binangonan is very easy to locate. It's just on the Angono Hiway area (very near Balaw-balaw restaurant). Basta hindi ka aabot sa triangle ng Pagasa (if coming from Taytay Area) or di ka na aabot sa triangle ng Angono (if coming from Binangonan area).

4. Some notes though, according sa mga tsismis, mahigpit sa Binangonan Office. As in maraming bawal. Look na lang this -

I was wearing pants but I'm wearing sandals. Luckily wala naman sumita sa akin. I also saw people wearing shorts and slippers but nasa loob naman sila. To be safe, just follow na lang. Btw, when I applied in LTO Pasig, nakashorts and slippers din ako but I still got my license. My conclusion is that this rule is crucial for those who will take the Test Drive. Maybe?

5. GETTING THE FORMS - A few minutes after 8am, we were ushered inside the office. For the licenses, Binangonan office will direct you to the back side. The front office apparently are for Vehicle Registration and other matters. So, we formed a line and waited at window 1. According to my seatmates in the line, we will get our ADL form here. I asked the guards if I should fall in line here pa if I have my form already. Sa window 1 pa rin daw. So I waited more or less 1 hour just to get to this window.

I presented my requirements to the girl. While checking my papers, she made me recite the Driver's Road Safety Pledge. Don't worry you will read it naman e. After a while, she handed back my papers and then told me na I only need to present the stapled bunch to window 4. And I need to fill up the "new" form. So that's the reason why the guards said na window 1 pa rin. Because they do not honor printed forms. I specifically printed mine pa naman on legal paper because I read from one blog that they do not accept those printed on other sizes. Yun pala they do not accept any printed forms at all. When I checked what's the difference, may stamped name na yung signatory on their form. 

6. VALIDATION - Another waiting game. Student Permit applicants should wait for their numbers to be called at window 4. Paulit-ulit sila dito sa paging system kasi may mga pasaway na pumupunta pa rin kay ate sa counter. I cannot blame them kasi naman they were calling by batches, like 10-15. It will take them 1 hour to call the next batch. Ang tagal no? Kaya siguro yung iba nagfollow up. It does not help na you are seeing other people approaching the counter then ibibigay lang nila forms nila while us (yellow cards - student) need to wait pa to be called. Yun pala, the window accepts forms for Student, Renewal and Duplicate. Those for Renewal and Duplicate, they can just pass their forms there and wait in the next window. Kami talagang magaantay ng tawag. Malamang inuuna nila ung Renewal ang Duplicate kaya matagal magmove ang tawag sa amin. So that makes Student Applications singit lang? That's what I thought.

After 1 1/2 hours, my number was called na. I just presented the form to her. This was where I tested my observation. During my first application kasi sa Pasig Branch, it only took me an hour to get my student license. Here in Binangonan, pila pa lang yun sa form. What is wrong with this branch?? Going back, remember that from window 1 they gave me the form and stapled two photocopies (SSS and TIN). Then she returned the other papers to me. Meaning, my requirements were pre-checked na. The only thing that window 4 will check is if ok ang fill up ko sa form. Right? Upon giving my form to her, I asked if ok na ba yung requirements kasi andami ko binigay sa window 1 and yun lang inattach nya. She checked my papers then said, "Ok na." If the process is normal, I'm done na since nacheck na. I just have to wait for matagal na ang 10mins for her to encode my details. Pero NO! She dismissed me and said wait to be called at window 3.

7. PHOTO-CAPTURE - After another 15 minutes of waiting, I was finally called na sa window 3 for the photo and signature capturing. Mabilis lang and then I was instructed to wait for yet another call from them. No more pictures na starting here. Mejo badtrip na kasi ako dito.

8. CASHIER - More and more waiting! I again waited for another 10 minutes before tawagin ang name ko to go to the Cashier window sa harap daw (remember nasa likod ng LTO Binangonan ang licensing). So gora na ako sa harap only to know na I again have to wait to be called sa window mismo.

Buti na lang may TV, I didn't notice the 15 minute wait because I was watching Byahe ni Drew. Ang cool talaga ng show na yun. :) Although may TV din naman sa likod, pero the TV sa harap kasi ay nakataas so everyone can watch unlike sa likod na nakapatong lang sa table so yung nasa harap lang nakakanuod. Anyway, from the Cashier window, I paid na 318 php then was asked to return to the back and wait for my name to be called on window 6.

9. RELEASING - Again I waited for 15 minutes to be called. Yehey I have my Student's License na!

Syet! Kulang pala ng 0.37 php ang isinukli sa akin! Hahaha! And then I need to pay 30 php pa daw ulit. Para saan kamo? Para dito -

Sabi ni D hindi naman daw required ang plastic cover. Nagpauto lang daw ako. Awww! Parang required kasi pagkakasabi ni kuya sa window 6 e. Anyway, at least di sya malulukot.

Anyhoo, I finished around 11 in the morning. My companion, by the way, finished 12 noon na. And mind you, 2 numbers lang ang pagitan namin. I'm #21, he's #23. Ang weird noh? I bet naipit ang papel nya somewhere sa pasahan nila ng papel sa loob. And believe me, walang kwenta ang pag-follow up kasi ang sasabihin lang sayo "Antayin na lang po na tawagin kayo." Eeennnggg!

How's my experience? Sobrang nakakawala ng bait! Ang nakakapagtaka when I first applied sa Pasig ok naman ang experience ko pero sa Binangonan super tagal. Imagine 8am (sige i-minus na natin yung one hour na pila namin bago magopen ang office nila) to 12 noon, just to get a Student's License. Ibang klase! Sa Pasig, it only took me one hour for the same license. Sige na nga baka naman kasi Monday lang kaya super daming tao. But still, I felt like kaya matagal dahil walang sistema. Ohh that's just me. I might be wrong. :)

Can you do me a favor guys? Remind me to seriously learn how to drive na. Baka masayang na naman ang lisensya ko. Argh :P

Can't wait to drive,
Yosh

See you in dog heaven, Didith

So one day you are crying and then someone ask, "Why?"

And then you told her, "My dog died."

And she replied, "Parang yun lang..."

Dang!! At that moment I just want to punch her face. Pero pinigilan ko na lang. Kawawa lang sya. Only a dog lover will understand. And unfortunately for me, konti lang kami.

It's been a week already. It's only now na nakayanan ko na isulat. Nakakalungkot pala. I came to a point that I question myself. Am I a bad amo? Nagkulang ba ako? It's our practice sana because we are planning to start a family already but then we failed dahil nadeds si Didith. So will our baby not live din? Aww

This "was" Didith a day before she died. Sobrang payat na nya. Ang super yellow. The vet said she had liver disease and we cannot save her anymore. That night, I told her to sleep na if she's already tired. And parang hinintay lang nya yung words ko. The next morning, she never woke up na. I didn't take a picture of her in her "sleep" na. I want to remember her alive. This picture is not exactly the kind of aliveness I want to remember of her, but at least she looks sweet here. 

Hay so many bad thoughts. I just hope I'll get over this soon. Please pray for Didith and for me.

Hoping to see my Didith in heaven,

Yosh

Bangon Pilipinas

My birthday last weekend was made more memorable by the recent typhoon that hit the Philippines. When I say hit, it did hit hard. They said it's the strongest typhoon that ever hit the earth. Too bad for my home land. These past few days, we're seeing devastating pictures of the calamity, specially from the province of Leyte. I was really worried because I know 2 of my friends lived there (or at least their families are there at the time of the typhoon). For 3 days we were in the darkness because they weren't able to contact their families. Communication means were down. Yesterday, news started coming in after a satellite was set in the area. The pictures were really heartbreaking. 

But on the brigther note, my friends' families in Tacloban were found. Thank you Lord! This is a great reason to celebrate and sing - A thrill of hope, a weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn! ♪♩♬ 

There are still others (more!) who need help. But material things are not enough. Sana kahit papaano nashare ko ang positivity ng aming tahanan sa ibang mas nangangailangan ng pag-asa. Bangon Pilipinas!

Sending my hope and prayers, 
Yosh

Mega traffic Tuesday

Our Tuesday started not as good as we wanted it. Yesterday, it rained like it's not planning to stop so today we decided to use the car. We rode Choco Banana yesterday, by the way. We heard the accident in C5 already in the news but we thought it won't be that bad. But hell we were wrong! The traffic started at the gate of our village, all throughout Kalayaan elevated U-turn. 

Yup, for some reasons, inararo ng isang truck ang elevated U-turn! Bakit kaya? Drunk? Sleepy? May gumitgit? Kahit ano pa yan! It's super created a mess. That truck happened to be carrying buhangin pa. So all the contents of the truck scattered on the road. Very dangerous for the motorists! Ang ending 1 lane lang ang usable for those going South Bound. Traffic to the highest level! 

Imagine, the drive from our home to my office is usually max 30 minutes only. This morning, it took us 1 1/2 hour! Grabe lang! Buti na lang, The Morning Rush kept us company. Stress reliever talaga yung tatlong yun. 

Anyhoo, after the U-turn maluwag na. Look here - 

I hope you kept your cool also,
Yosh

What's your birth number?

I'm super late na with this I know. Hehe! I just find this cute.

Apparently, my birthday says I'm a ROMANTIC. I knew it! I totally agree!  Haha!

I'm not sure if it's 100% true but I think D's birth number is not that accurate. He's CONSERVATIVE alright but he doesn't like nature! Haha!

Anyway, check it for yourself then let me know. Visit this site:
http://mybirthdaysays.com/Birth-Number-Story.php

Hopelessly Romantic,
Yosh

Be Gentle

This morning, I saw that familiar sign again. It is my everyday reminder to be gentle.

I see this everyday at the office when I'm sitting at the throne.

Yeah I need it. And I need it bad.

If you know me personally, you'll attest that I really have a bad mouth. My mind and my mouth works very good together. My mouth says what my mind thinks. Most of the times it's helpful. But sometimes I hurt people with my words. I'm not very proud of it. That I tell you. But there are some tactfulness acts that I do NOT regret doing. I always live up to my mantra that I do not want to regret things, so if I feel the need to do or say something, expect that I will. But there are some instances that I say things without even thinking about it. It might be - spur of the moment, I'm in a really angry mood, loud thinking, or just my pathetic desire to crack a joke. I don't know. I'm not even trying to explain myself here. But one thing's for sure, I only do this to the people I'm comfortable with. Is that a compliment? Nah! But believe me, I'm always quiet around people I don't know well or those I don't like.

Just recently, I had my biggest blow. I hurt someone super important to me. I posted this instantly -

Sorry for the F word. I was just totally disappointed with myself. I should have used something nicer like this cartoon from one cute person I follow on IG - 

Sometimes, in my desire to defend myself, I think that this is the real me eversince. I am like this since time immemorial. I am not getting any harsh-er. Sometimes I think it's the people I know who's getting sensitive. I surely can get away easier before. I was again reminded of my favorite line - PEOPLE CHANGE.

But then again, just thinking that I've lost a friend and that now I am staying away from a few, I have to accept that no one is at fault but ME. I'm not even sure why am I avoiding these people. At the back of my mind, I thought of it as my defense mechanism so I won't hurt them again. Or I'm just too shy to face them again.

If you have an advise for me, can you write it down? I really need it.


Praying for good vibes,
Yosh

Juan's Guide to applying for a Chinese Tourist Visa

First of all, let's make it clear that I'm no expert on applying visas whatsoever. It just so happened that we recently got approved of a Chinese Visa. So as a way of helping others, I'm posting the procedures we've done.

Scenario:
1. Two Philippine passport holder who are Filipino Nationals by birth.
2. Aiming for a renewal of Chinese Tourist Visa (meaning we've been to China before).

You might ask why won't I just post the procedures we took when we applied for the first time. That I cannot tell you because I don't know. Hehe. Seriously, the process was handled by our previous company's HR. They just asked for our passports, then a few days later they returned it with a sticker visa. Nice eh? It was all work-related though. Aww. But I'll try to put all I learned from my research here. If you find my guide with incomplete information, you can always check the  blog posts of Paul and Fran. Both are very helpful. Anyway, Let's start with mine!

STEP 1: PREPARE YOUR DOCUMENTS

Tourist or Family Visit Visa (Category L) Requirements (and tips!) 
1. Passport
- Original passport that is valid for at least another 6 months with at least one blank visa page
- Photocopy of the passport's information/photo (first) page 
- Photocopy of the passport's Emergency Contact Page.

2. Visa Application Form
- Download the form HERE.
- As indicated in the form, use a black ballpen and write in block all caps letter. The PDF can be filled up, you can do so before printing.
- Do not leave any field blank. Write N/A if the question does not apply to you.
- For the Local ID Card Number, use this format - Card type/Card No. Example: SSS/34********

3. Photo 
– Affix one color photo on the Application Form. The photo should be recent, front view, white background, in 48mm x 33mm size (passport size) without head covering. Glue the photo to the appropriate field. Stapled/taped/clipped/detached/scanned photos will not be accepted. 

#RIPCoryMonteith

Devastated. That's exactly what I felt last night when I heard the news. Why?! He's only 31.

After a few minutes of denial, I went online to check if the news were really true. And sadly, it was. And then tweets of speculations that drug abuse might be the cause of his death flooded my twitter feed. He was a drug addict, that I cannot deny. He was put in a rehab as early as when he was 19. Just last month, news that he re-entered the rehab was all over the internet. I was so proud of him. At least he's doing something about the addiction. But then I read tweets saying You-deserved-that-you-addict-you or something like that tweets. I was furious! Who's insensitive bastard will say that to someone who just died! Respect people, respect.

And I can only imagine Lea Michelle right now. Hayy I wish I can share her pains. #StayStrongLea

You will surely be missed Finn Hudson.

Devastated fangirl,

Yosh

NOTE: All photos were grabbed from somewhere in the internet.

Another 20ish Chelai

June for me is so full of not weddings, but birthdays! I have several friends and relatives celebrating their day on the 'wedding month'. One of them is my good friend Chelai. Of course, we have to celebrate her 25th (mental note: ask Chelai if my math is right). We're usually 3 during meet-ups but Lara's onshore so it was only me and Chelai this year. Her birthday is actually today, June 25, but since she has other plans with other people also, we celebrated it last Saturday. It was better because we have more time to bond. 

We started the celebration with a very big lunch. When I say big, I mean like food good for 4, for only the 2 of us. Haha! Sorry! We got so excited with the Dampa idea. It was the one in Libis where you will buy seafood from the wet market then have it cooked the way you want it. We bought 2 large crabs which we have as Garlic Buttered Crabs. Then 1/4 kilos large shrimps cooked as Sinigang. Then we ordered a very big serving of Seafood Fried Rice. We managed to finish all the viands but we only halfed the rice.

After letting our food go down for a while, we walked all the way to Nuat Thai Libis for our Foot Massage. I was disappointed by a not-so-good Swedish Massage we got at their other branch in Pasig but we decided to try this branch mainly because of the good reviews I'm reading from other bloggers. Same as in Pasig, after getting our shoes and exchanging it with their slippers, they ushered us to their very cozy foot-washing area. They used a scrub soap which I think was better than just the regular liquid soap used in Pasig.  But like Pasig, I found the rooms too dark. The attendants literally has to guide us through the seats. Maybe a little candle light can do wonders. So anyway, they started on with our foot massage. Oh my G! That was very good! My attendant started with a quick hand massage, then carried on to do my feet, one at a time. She used not only her hands but also some bamboo like props. Amazing! Then she also massaged my legs. And upper legs! And just when I thought we were done, she asked me to sit on the foot stool then she gave me the best back massage I ever had! Mind-blowing! I wanted to cry when she said 'Mam tapos na po'. Back at the reception, they also gave us complimentary tea. I guess I'll be coming back to this branch more often.

This is my birthday message for Chelai this morning on FB:

Birthday ng isa sa mga mangilan-ngilan kong kaibigan na mas maganda saken! HAPPY 20ish BIRTHDAY Rochelle Anne Duco! Labyu dear! ♥

PS: To answer your question (for sure meron) - Yup she's single. But kailangan nyo muna pumasa saken, tapos kay Lara. PM at your own risk. :P

Oh BTW, as if it is also my birthday, I received these stuff from my friends Lara and Sheila from SG. They really knew me well to get what I wanted.

Loving sweets,

Yosh