Another topic in the 30-day Writing My Life Challenge that I'm supposed to do was about "The One That Got Away". But I'm feeling extra generous today so I'm surprising you guys with a treat! I will label all the men I've loved before with The One That... I just want to disclaim first that I have no intention of ruining the current lives of the people I will mention below. The stories are from my own point of view. That's how I saw things then and how I translate it to now. We are all happy with our separate lives so let's leave it at that. For everyone's peace of mind, I will not drop names. Fair enough? So are you guys ready? Okey here goes... nothing --
The One That... Started It All
F was my first boyfriend. I experienced a lot of firsts with him. He was the first big decision I made in my life, that being my disobedience to my parents' order to refrain from having boyfriends. He was the first non-family person who made me feel special, the first one to give me flowers, my first dance on our Senior Prom, the first one to take me home to mother (see what I did there? haha), my first inspiration to do better in school, my first kiss, my first love, and my first heartache (which I shared HERE). I can go on and on about the first things I did with him but I guess that one post is enough.
F, wherever you are, thank you for every first things you made me experience. I'm sorry if I was not able to keep up with your undying love for me. You are a good man and I really hope you'll find the perfect one for you.
The One That... Taught Me Karma
Let's name him T. If you read the story of my first heartache, you'll know that T was somewhat in the scene already when F and I were on the rocks. But to wash my hands off the sin you are imagining in your head, I did not two-time F. T was not the reason why I broke up with F. It just so happened that I fell in love fast -- really fast that maybe it was also the reason why he was taken from me really fast also. Tooth for a tooth, eh? We started out as best friends, which were later on became a laughing stock among our common friends. They said that I only used that word to 'label' our relationship even before it happened. Anyhoo, we were together for only 2 months and 2 days. That was January to March. It was a pre-summer fling! Yup, we had our falling apart during the summer vacation. Coming from a clingy long-term relationship, I expected a lot from him. I wanted him to update me on how he spent his day at home during that vacation. He, on the other hand, has been single for so long that my actions were too dominating for him. He broke up with me via text. Ohh yes, he was my karma! I was left alone after leaving someone else. Sadly, our whole relationship was branded as a joke by my friends. I can still remember T and I talked sometime after our breakup. He told me that he was actually hurt about this whole 'joke' thing because he believed that our relationship was actually more than 2 months and 2 days because we were best friends longer. Oh well, given the reason of our breakup, maybe we can say that things simply didn't work out between us because we were young and immature. Timing and distance also did not cooperate with us. There are things that were left unresolved, like -- Why did he just give up? Did he fell out of love? If we were able to talk personally during the crisis, will things work out differently? I never really found out. But after all the pain and hatred, I still respected him too much that it did not tarnish my opinion that he is a great man. I believe that we are both good people, maybe just not good enough for each other at that time.
T, after all the things that happened (and didn't happen), I still want to thank you for the friendship we shared and for the pain you made me experience, which humbled me. I still believe that you are a good man and I am truly happy for whatever is happening with your life right now. Friends forever?
The One That... Made Me Strong
The relationship I had with K was the hardest of all to talk about because it took me a long time to try to forget all the bad stuff that happened. After T, deciding to be with K was really a big leap. My comatosed-heart was brought to life because of him. I can't remember how our attraction started but I remembered asking God for a sign if he's the one. My fondest memory of it was when my BFF and I played a test game if K and I were really soulmates. For one whole week, if both of us come to school in the same color of clothes then we're meant to be together. For some weird reasons, we matched. EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. That's really fascinating! When he showed interest in me, I wanted to retract back because I never thought that things will get serious. But it did. The things he did to win me were surprising and I let things grow from there. I was finally happy in love again! When we get past a year into the relationship, I started to picture my future with him. He stayed with me during the trying times of my life. He actually even helped me financially. He was my longest relationship before things get really ugly. By ugly, I meant he cheated on me, with a friend. I was beyond devastated. My world was shaken. I wanted to die. Yup, it's that bad. I re-arranged my world around him so everyday I'm hurting. Every time I see my friends, I am reminded of the good times K and I have with them. That's the reason why I went away. I was so tired of being miserable so I decided to try to build a new world away from him, without him. I went to Laguna and worked there. I met new friends and eventually I found myself smiling again. The hurt is still there but I have learned to let go. I was introduced to a stronger me, the one that does not need him to survive. I've come to love myself better. Slowly, I eased my way back to our circle of friends. True to its promise, time heals all wounds. One day, I just found myself genuinely smiling at him. I know that I will never forget what he did to me but finally I can say that I have forgiven.
K, with all my heart I thank you. Because of you, I realized that I am stronger than I thought I was. Thank you for not taking me back even if I offered to be your number 2 after you chose her. You saved me from getting stuck to being a pathetic 'mistress'. But know that I do not regret doing that. You know why? Because that's one what-if off my list. At least, I can say that I did my best to fight for you. Thank you for leaving me with my pride. If you didn't let me go, I wouldn't have met D. I would not be as happy as I am today. And you wouldn't have met your wife also, so I guess you have to thank me too?
The One That... Never Was
C and I never really had an 'official' relationship. Maybe if you'll ask C about me, he'll just say that there's no us. But I'd like to put him up in this list since I exerted a bit of real emotions for him. That 'thing' that C and I shared happened a few months after K and I broke up. Yes, it was during the time that I'm hurting and you can say that C was my rebound. I was so desperate to be happy that I encouraged everything that makes me smile. My friends knew that I have a long-time crush with C so they supported my flirtations. Before I knew it, we were textmates and callmates, and whatsoever -mates. We talked about everything everyday until the wee hours of the next morning. We even had pet names for each other as if we were truly a couple. Because of those bonding moments, I've learned a lot of things about him. I got to know his family thru his stories. I had a glimpse of his dreams. I sympathized with his hardships. By hardships, it also include his heartbreaks. One of which was the pain a certain girl gave him. That girl, as he said, has feelings for him also but was not ready to get into a relationship so he was friend-zoned. He told me I was special, I believed him. I was special until the girl learned about us and decided that I cannot take 'her' man away. Silly me fought back with something I was not proud of doing. The once special-turned silly me was left alone, friend-zoned.
C, what happened? Hahaha! But it's ok, I'm fine, you're fine, she's fine. We're all doing fine! I just want to thank you for keeping me from killing myself because of my past heartache. Maybe that's your purpose in my life noh? Geee thanks!
That One More Chance
And finally, my favorite story. I have blogged about our love story HERE. You might ask why That One More Chance? What do you think was the state of my heart after all these stories above? I was traumatized! There was one season in my life where I just tired myself to death so I can just sleep at night without thinking. But on some unsuccessful nights, I just cried myself to sleep. My Laguna friends (including D) helped me to be happy again. They taught me that one does not need a love life just to be happy, that happiness is always a choice. Slowly, I was taken out of the darkness. But still I do not want to fall in love again. I had several episodes of play times with boys before D, but as I said, that's all play. And then the unexpected happened, D and I found ourselves in love. The hesitant me did not know what to do but eventually decided to just let the book unfold naturally. I said - Just One More Chance. If after this, I will still fail then I will stop my heart from loving next time. And as you know, the rest is history.
D, life with you is not perfect but I'm enjoying every minute of it -- happy, sad and all. I do not need to write what I feel here because I have all my life to say it to you personally. I'm actually looking forward to growing old with you. You are truly my one more chance I never thought I'd find. I love you, miel. Always.
So that's it. I'll leave you guys with this quote that one of my best professors in college gave me - It's the lover, not the love, that broke your heart. No matter what heartache you'll go through, always choose to love. It does not necessarily mean the opposite sex kind of love. Maybe you can love yourself more? Or better yet, it is not too late to offer your life to our Creator. It is His in the first place. Then maybe if you pray hard enough and He thinks you deserve it, He'll give you what your heart desires.
With so much love,
Yosh
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| Image from ThinkPositive30.com |
The One That... Started It All
F, wherever you are, thank you for every first things you made me experience. I'm sorry if I was not able to keep up with your undying love for me. You are a good man and I really hope you'll find the perfect one for you.
The One That... Taught Me Karma
Let's name him T. If you read the story of my first heartache, you'll know that T was somewhat in the scene already when F and I were on the rocks. But to wash my hands off the sin you are imagining in your head, I did not two-time F. T was not the reason why I broke up with F. It just so happened that I fell in love fast -- really fast that maybe it was also the reason why he was taken from me really fast also. Tooth for a tooth, eh? We started out as best friends, which were later on became a laughing stock among our common friends. They said that I only used that word to 'label' our relationship even before it happened. Anyhoo, we were together for only 2 months and 2 days. That was January to March. It was a pre-summer fling! Yup, we had our falling apart during the summer vacation. Coming from a clingy long-term relationship, I expected a lot from him. I wanted him to update me on how he spent his day at home during that vacation. He, on the other hand, has been single for so long that my actions were too dominating for him. He broke up with me via text. Ohh yes, he was my karma! I was left alone after leaving someone else. Sadly, our whole relationship was branded as a joke by my friends. I can still remember T and I talked sometime after our breakup. He told me that he was actually hurt about this whole 'joke' thing because he believed that our relationship was actually more than 2 months and 2 days because we were best friends longer. Oh well, given the reason of our breakup, maybe we can say that things simply didn't work out between us because we were young and immature. Timing and distance also did not cooperate with us. There are things that were left unresolved, like -- Why did he just give up? Did he fell out of love? If we were able to talk personally during the crisis, will things work out differently? I never really found out. But after all the pain and hatred, I still respected him too much that it did not tarnish my opinion that he is a great man. I believe that we are both good people, maybe just not good enough for each other at that time.
T, after all the things that happened (and didn't happen), I still want to thank you for the friendship we shared and for the pain you made me experience, which humbled me. I still believe that you are a good man and I am truly happy for whatever is happening with your life right now. Friends forever?
The One That... Made Me Strong
K, with all my heart I thank you. Because of you, I realized that I am stronger than I thought I was. Thank you for not taking me back even if I offered to be your number 2 after you chose her. You saved me from getting stuck to being a pathetic 'mistress'. But know that I do not regret doing that. You know why? Because that's one what-if off my list. At least, I can say that I did my best to fight for you. Thank you for leaving me with my pride. If you didn't let me go, I wouldn't have met D. I would not be as happy as I am today. And you wouldn't have met your wife also, so I guess you have to thank me too?
The One That... Never Was
C, what happened? Hahaha! But it's ok, I'm fine, you're fine, she's fine. We're all doing fine! I just want to thank you for keeping me from killing myself because of my past heartache. Maybe that's your purpose in my life noh? Geee thanks!
That One More Chance
And finally, my favorite story. I have blogged about our love story HERE. You might ask why That One More Chance? What do you think was the state of my heart after all these stories above? I was traumatized! There was one season in my life where I just tired myself to death so I can just sleep at night without thinking. But on some unsuccessful nights, I just cried myself to sleep. My Laguna friends (including D) helped me to be happy again. They taught me that one does not need a love life just to be happy, that happiness is always a choice. Slowly, I was taken out of the darkness. But still I do not want to fall in love again. I had several episodes of play times with boys before D, but as I said, that's all play. And then the unexpected happened, D and I found ourselves in love. The hesitant me did not know what to do but eventually decided to just let the book unfold naturally. I said - Just One More Chance. If after this, I will still fail then I will stop my heart from loving next time. And as you know, the rest is history.
D, life with you is not perfect but I'm enjoying every minute of it -- happy, sad and all. I do not need to write what I feel here because I have all my life to say it to you personally. I'm actually looking forward to growing old with you. You are truly my one more chance I never thought I'd find. I love you, miel. Always.
So that's it. I'll leave you guys with this quote that one of my best professors in college gave me - It's the lover, not the love, that broke your heart. No matter what heartache you'll go through, always choose to love. It does not necessarily mean the opposite sex kind of love. Maybe you can love yourself more? Or better yet, it is not too late to offer your life to our Creator. It is His in the first place. Then maybe if you pray hard enough and He thinks you deserve it, He'll give you what your heart desires.
With so much love,
Yosh
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