Cali's Birth Story

World, I'd like you to meet my rainbow baby, Calista Danilei. Her name means the most beautiful in Greek and God is my judge. 

This was her first picture upon rooming in. So serene, right? For those who want to hear how I deliver her to this world. Scroll down more.

The story started when we went to see my doctor for my 35th week checkup. We were seeing her weekly already from then. From that week, we were still managing my UTI so I was under a lot of meds. We were also monitoring my Amniotic Fluid via Bio Physical Scan because that time it was at 8 cm. This, according to my OB, was at the low end already. Normal range is 5-20 cm. But all good, she said. I was just advised to increase my water intake and Evening Primrose Oil was added to my oral meds.

On my 36th week, Amniotic Fluid dropped to 7 cm and my UTI was still there. The doctor changed my antibiotics from oral to vaginal insert. She warned me that if my water level continue to drop she may have to open me up so we should start thinking of undergoing Cesarean operation.

The real action started on my 37th week checkup. It was a Saturday. The baby was doing fine but my amniotic fluid dropped to 6 cm. And I'm pretty confident that I was not leaking. She asked us if we already thought about CS, but I said I wanted to try to deliver naturally. She told me to take 3 EPO then. But since she was worried about my fluid levels, she asked me to come back on Monday. If the level still continue to decrease then we will have to decide some major things.

On that Monday checkup, my freaking amniotic fluid dropped to 5. This was critical already, but my face must have shown that I wanted to still deliver naturally so what my OB did was she dabbed the Evening Primrose Oil to my cervix instead of me taking it orally. She said that it will take effect faster. I was just at 1 cm that morning even after taking 3 EPO days before. And still no contractions. She asked me to come back that night so the resident OB can dab another EPO on me. She also ordered a Non-Stress Test because she wanted to see the condition of the baby. For all we know, she might be in distress already because there's not enough amniotic fluid for her to swim at.

D went to the office first to fix some things at work while I prepare everything that we might need for the hospital. By then, I knew we might not come home that night so I took a proper bath. You know, scrubbed everything because I might not be able to do that for a long time. We also ate a full meal (spell Chowking Lauriat) because I might not be allowed to eat for hours.

We were at the hospital at 9pm, the NST they said will last for 20 minutes. They strapped some wires to my belly to monitor the baby's heartbeat and my contractions. It was a little bit scary because the sound was loud so I asked if they can increase the sound of the TV. Oh yes, good things there's television bacause D was not allowed inside the room. Phones were not allowed also. After 20 minutes, the resident OB called D and discussed the results with us. The results were good with just some outliers but if she were to be asked she'll advise for me to have CS already because of my decreasing fluid. She said that I'm still at 1 cm after the IE she performed. She was aware that my baby was conceived after a miscarriage (they call them precious baby apparently) so she's confused why are we risking it. I was really hesitant so she left us alone in the room to talk. I told D that I really want to try naturally, maybe we can try induction via medicines first. When the OB came back, we asked to talk to our doctor. Dra. Flida said that they already gave me EPO and there's still no favorable results. Even if I be inducted, my fluid was too low that I may have a hard time because the baby might not slip down my birth canal. She talked to D that time and told him that D should decide for us and her recommendation was to do Cesarean ASAP. D agreed and so that's it.

After losing the battle (huhuhu), I was strapped back again to the baby monitor overnight. I was scheduled for operation 11 am the next day. I am allowed to drink and eat until 6 am only. D, meanwhile, arranged for my admission. I heard he also slept in the room already and called our parents. Our decision to have CS turned out to be beneficial, because during that overnight monitoring, Banana's heart rate constantly increased to 190s. Normal rate is at 120-160 bpm. By 5:30, D sent me siopao and water. The nurse asked him to buy me soft food the night before so that's what he bought. Haha!

By 8 am, a nurse came to shave my vagina. She asked if I wanted her to take if all off or just the top part. I said just the top because you know it's itchy when it grows back! Oh yeys, my birth plan indicates I wanted a bikini cut, not because I wanted to still wear bikini (as if! hehe), but because I wanted to try VBAC later on.

By 10 am, they let me see D one last time before the operation. I half-jokingly reminded D of the files I prepared for him if I die on the table and to ask for breast milk donation for Banana. Well, who knows right?!

At 10:30, they already wheeled me in the Operating Room. This time, I saw everything because I was wearing my eyeglasses (which I specifically asked in my birth plan). Oh BTW, I learned later on that D forgot to give a copy of my birth plan to the nurses. That's why they keep on asking for my details. Anyhoo, while lying on the table I felt the urge to poop. Maybe because I was too nervous! I asked to go to the toilet. The nurse told me that she can just put bed pan under me and I can poop there but I told her I can't. Eeeww! She had to ask the doctor if I can stand up. Luckily, I was allowed. They called D to accompany me to the bathroom. Yikes! My doctor arrived shortly after. Upon entering, she noticed that there were male nurses inside. She told them "Ayy alis kayo. Maarte and pasyente ko, ayaw ng lalaki". Hahaha! Well it was in my birth plan! I was traumatized by being hugged by a male nurse before so I asked for an all-female birthing team.

At around 11 am, the Anesthesiologist and the Pedia arrived so they started the operation. My doctor told me that they will just ask an elderly to hold me in a side lying fetal position so they can administer the Spinal Anesthesia. I obliged because I know the effect if they hit the wrong point. After that, I started to feel numbness. The friendly Anes stayed at my shoulder all throughout. She was kind enough to dictate what I might feel at the moment. Well true enough, when she said that she will bring the pillow up because I might feel uncomfortable on my shoulders, I felt it right away. She was whispering everything that was happening beneath the cover. Oh yes I was conscious. I asked to be. Although of course, I was a bit groggy. But I can see and sense everything. I heard when the backup OB said "Ayy wala na nga talaga sya tubig" as soon as they cut me up. Apparently, the reason why doctors wear aprons is too avoid water spills. In my case, there's no water to spill. Going back, the anes told me when they pulled out my baby "oh ayan nakalabas na si baby, umiiyak rinig mo?" And then I heard my baby's first cry.

There she was! My baby was born at 11:15 am on July 4, 2017. The day Mommy and Daddy celebrated their 10 years of togetherness. What a nice gift no?

And while they were stitching me up, the Pedia made Banana latch on my breasts. Now that I'm writing it and seeing the pictures, that's all they did. That's not unang yakap right? Anyhoo, what's done is done.

And here's Banana and mommy's first picture together. Excuse my pimple-laden and oily face! Oh babe was I so happy to see you. Finally, after losing your ate (I know in my heart Lemon is a girl) having you felt like a real blessing from God. I cried of happiness also because you were so white! Yey I won! Oh girl was I so wrong. Hahahaha!

My little baby is so small weighing only 2.35 kg. Had my fluid levels been normal, I could have delivered naturally. Haayyz!

And this was Daddy seeing her princess for the first time.

Their first picture together -

My baby girl finally resting -

But was brought to recovery room as soon as mommy woke up.

After being able to move my leg, they wheeled me back to my room. There I was reunited with D. What a relief! There's Mama and D's parents also. After a few hours, Banana was roomed in with us. Then that was the start of my struggle as a breastfeeding mom (which I will talk about in a separate post).

I started to feel the pain of my stitches a few hours after, but was still masked by the meds. I was told to remain at the bed and not to take anything by mouth until some time and until I passed gas. As soon as I was allowed to incline my bed, I used the opportunity to try to move. After I farted, I feel the urge to do number 2. I did not want to poop at my diapers so I forced myself to stand up and go to the toilet. That was the most painful thing I've ever experienced in my life. The nurse caught me standing up and she was amazed! According to her, I was one of the few who can stand up the day after the operation. Well, I was told not to baby the pain so I can recover faster. And the advise is gold! I was able to go home just two days after the operation when some took at least 3 days!

How days passed by no? Now, my Cali is already 3 months and very much an active baby. 3 months ago, I was thinking that I will never give birth again. Hahaha! But if ever D and I decide to give Banana a sibling, I wanted to try VBAC bacause I want to experience contractions. Hahaha silly me! Oh well, having had Cesarean doesn't make me less of a mother, right?


Happy Mommy,
Yosh

My journey to Cali

Baby Banana, you are someone we did not expect..

It was only three months after we lost Lemon when we learned we're having another baby. It was late November when I tested positive. My initial emotion was fear. You know I just lost a baby and now here's another one. Anyway, it's still a happy news.

We decided to keep mum about this, more mum than Lemon. But we already named her Banana then. Still a yellow tutti frutti. As expected, the baby is still young so there's no heartbeat yet. The two week long wait was crucifying! We were in this position before also. 

But this time, God gave in to our prayers. Banana is alive!

From here onwards, our doctor gave us strict orders to follow. She warned us that every thing will be different if we want to keep the baby. Every single move is more intense than the first one. For one, I did my OGTT on my 13th week which is a few months earlier than the usual schedule. And just like what you can read online about OGTT, it was a torture. I drank that disgusting sugar drink! And I'm not allowed to throw up if I don't want to repeat the process again. Imagine doing that on your first trimester. Aww

My plight after that was uneventful but not easy. We chose not to post anything about my pregnancy on social media. We just waited for people to ask if I'm pregnant. Which only happened on the later part of my pregnancy because you know they mistook my figure to just getting fat. Because I am always fat!

This was me on my fourth month. Still small. I carried small all throughout!

I asked to work from home on my last month. Even before going MIA, no one from the office noticed except my boss and some close friends. Amazing eh? Well, I learned later that my tummy was small because I suffered from low amniotic fluid level. I will talk about that in my birthing story ok?

I promise to blog while pregnant on our next (if God will let us have another one). Deal?

Love,

Yosh

First Prenatal Checkup

This post has been sitting in my drafts folder for some time now. I initially wanted to post this after the first trimester of my first pregnancy. But as you all know, I lost that baby. I thought that preggy ladies may wanna know what happens in a first prenatal checkup in the Philippines. So here goes --

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I was at Manila East Medical Center at exactly 8:30am! Talk about excitement! Hahaha! Good thing my HMO, Intellicare, covers pregnancy checkups. I was assigned to Dra. Flida Mendoza. Upon seeing me, she asked if I already tested using store-bought pregnancy test. I said yes and showed her the picture. She asked when was the first day of my last period, from there she calculated that I may be 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant. 

She immediately made me undo my shorts and undies and lie down on the bed. She performed IE to check if my cervix is closed. Apparently, woman's cervix will be closed up by a mucus plug once pregnant. This is to protect the baby inside. While on it, my OB also got sample specimen for Papsmear (which I brought to the laboratory for testing).

After that, she ordered for a Transvaginal Ultrasound. I paid for it first before we proceeded. MEMC charged me a little bit under 1500 pesos for that. My OB said that if I can wait, she can do this in her clinic outside the hospital for 700 pesos only but D and I still has to go somewhere else so we chose the hospital. Anyhoo, I was confirmed to be 4 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I was a bit confused because earlier she told me that I'm 5 weeks and then now I'm only 4 weeks? She said the later is the actual size of my gestational sac. Oh there, only my sac is showing now. I still need to go back two weeks after for a repeat ultrasound to check for pregnancy viability. By that time, maybe my little Lemon will have a fetal pole and heartbeat already. Please!

Oh yes, I decided to call my little one Lemon. Dunno. Maybe because it is yellow? Hahaha!

Lemon's first picture

After this, we went back to the OB's office for some 'bilin'. Dra. Mendoza did these --
1. IE - 350 pesos
2. Papsmear - still covered by the card since I haven't declared pregnancy yet
3. Transvaginal Ultrasound - 1500 pesos
4. Flu Vaccine - 2500 pesos
5. Proluton Vaccine - 1800 pesos
6. Vitamins (Duphaston, Calcium and Folic Acid) for two weeks - 3900 pesos

Ouch! That's really pricey. Intellicare only covers the checkups. All the other tests, vaccines and medicines were paid by me. I still have 4 more tests to do - Urinalysis, CBC with PC test, HBsAG (Hepa B Test), and RPR VDRL (Siphilis or STD Test). But hey, this is a blessing! God will provide! :)


With crying pocket,
Yosh

Dear Lemon

My love, this is the story of how you came and went out of our lives. It took me more than a year to write this. Yes, it was that hard. Honestly, until now I still feel pain every time I remember you but I know I have to cope. I have no choice.

Not many people know that Dad and I have been trying for a baby already. We stuck by our plan to enjoy our togetherness first for two years before trying. On our second year, we began trying and kept failing. It was only after two years that I felt something different from my body. My period was delayed already but I ignored it at first because it happens to me at times. But there's something about my throat that was different. It was painful but not sore. My tummy was acting up also. I suspected and hoped I was pregnant so I bought some pregnancy tests. I waited until Dad's birthday to test. I thought that if I am indeed pregnant then it's a good birthday gift for Dad.

So early morning on June 30, 2016, I peed on the stick. I closed my eyes and prepared to be disappointed. But when I opened my eyes, there you were -

I hurriedly prepared Dad's breakfast. I put this test on his plate and covered it with a sheet of torn page of a notebook. Cheap, eh? Sorry baby I was not prepared.

Dad's reaction was epic. As in, no reaction. He just smiled. Oh well that's Dad. We were supposed to go to the bank to sign the papers for our house but we dropped by the OB's clinic first to have Mom checked. You know, we have to make sure you are there. And voila! There's a gestational sac (just the container) but you are not there yet. It's ok, still too early at four weeks and four days. The doctor told us to return after two weeks. I was given Duphaston, Folic Acid and Calcium.

So we went to the bank and got Dad his birthday cupcake. His best birthday gift that year was you!

July 16 - Sixteen days after. The doctor expected heartbeat at that point since I was at 6w6d. Unfortunately, there's none. The sac only grew to 5w2d. Still, the doctor said to come back after a week. I was given the same set of meds plus Co-Amoxiclav to treat my UTI. I went on bedrest by this time. I was hoping I could save you.

July 23 - There's a yolk sac (where you will get nutrition) already but still no fetal pole and heartbeat. Gestational sac grew to 7w1d but became slightly irregular in shape. The doctor said to come back after a week then she will give her final verdict. It seems like she already know that you will not live but we are still hoping.

July 30 - There's a fetal pole already! It was 6w5d, super small for its gestational age and there's still no cardiac activity. The shape of the sac became worse. It was already deformed. And then there's hemorrhage. Although there's a pole already, the doctor diagnosed me with Fetal Demise and advised for me to have D&C. I told her I will sleep on it first but deep inside I was still hoping you'll live.

Then in the morning of August 2, just after Dad went to work, I saw blood when I peed. Sorry for this graphic photo but I just want to put this out here because some people who are experiencing the same might want to see how miscarriage blood looks like.

I called Dad back because I was too scared. We called our doctor and she ordered us to go straight to the ER. This was me at the ER. After an IE, they scheduled me for a D&C. So there's goes my hope.

This was me at the ward. I'm smiling fakely. My God was I so devastated. I was scheduled for a D&C at 5 pm the same day.

Here's Dad still trying to work.

At 5 pm, they wheeled me to the Delivery Room. I remembered being scared because it was my first time to actually go on top of an operating table. It was so cold. I was trembling because of the cold and more because I'm scared. Added to the daze was the fact that all I see was blurry actions because I was not allowed to use my eyeglasses. I remembered being asked to sit down so they can administer anesthesia on my spine. I can still remember the pain. Then they put my legs on a stirrup and then the doctor said he will put me to sleep. The next thing I remembered was waking up in the recovery room. We waited for me to feel and move my legs before they transfer me to our ward. I was done at 8 pm. You know what's more painful? My experience in that room was like child birth, only there's no child to take home.

I cried that night because I know you are not with me anymore. I cried more when Dad was already sleeping. My journey came flashing through my teary eyes. The joy I felt when I learned about you was immeasurable. I didn't know I can love someone I haven't seen yet. But that joy was overpowered by the pain of losing you. And it was true - You won't know heartbreak until you lose a child.

I isolated myself from the world for quite some time. I did not like hearing people's encouragement that I can always have another child. Yes I can, but I want you. No one can replace you. I do not want you as my angel. I want you as my baby. For some time, I blamed God. I know I shouldn't but I feel the need to blame someone. I even blamed myself. I could have done a lot better. But after all that, there's nothing I can do. For the whole duration of my maternity leave, I cried and cried some more. Dad tried to cheer me up by buying me a macbook and plane tickets to travel. It helped a bit but I was still in a deep emotional turmoil. It was lessened every time Dad was with me because I know he shared my pain. 

My love, I want you to know that I always remember you. You are my star, you are my first baby love. The more that Cali makes me happy now, the more that I think of if you were alive will I be as happy as I am now? I'm still full of what ifs. I don't know when to stop. I guess I just have to live through it so we can be like a normal family. I know you want us to.

Loving you forever,

Mom

Subic with the Talattads

So this rare occasion happened last May (I know, I know) when D's kuya's family went home to the Philippines for their long overdue vacation. You see Kuya is living in the UK now. The last time he went home was on our wedding nearly five years ago. It was only he who went home that time. The couple last went home together on 2011 for Ate Lani's wedding. Their kiddo was a Philippines first timer being only three years old.

Enough of the introduction k? So on one of the weekends of their month-long vacay, we went to Subic. We stayed in iCove resort.

I have mixed reviews for this resort. The facilities are just fine. It's a little bit small but clean. I have no pictures of our room since I wasn't that impressed. Maybe because it has no windows?

This is the gate going to the beach -

The barrier is here. Above that sign is their swimming pool. Nothing fancy.

And this is the beach. This will make my review awful. You see the beach in this part of Subic is not properly maintained being public and all. A residential area is just around this beach and according to some people I know their sewage system goes directly to the beach. My God! No wonder the beach smells terrible. Because of that we chose not to dip in the beach during our first day. We decided to swim there early the next morning. We thought that maybe since it's morning the beach will be cleaner. Boy are we wrong! We were enjoying our swim when D noticed something floating. It was human feces! Yes you read that right! We hurriedly went off the beach after and scrub ourselves to death. I will never swim in that part of Subic ever again. Guys, it is the beach on the stretch of Whiterock, Subic Grand Seas, etc. If you have the chance, maybe choose a beach near the SBMA area. I heard it is cleaner there.

Anyway, the food in the resort is good for its price.

We spent most of our times by the pool since the beach is not an option anymore. Look at our kids enjoying. Here's the very brave Max who can swim by himself -

Alfonso is a little bit scared but can swim if Mommy is there -

And here's us, just floating around - 

After checking out the next day, we went straight to Subic Zoofari. We were transported by this open vehicle -

I wasn't able to take that much picture because of the rain. Let me try to tell the story. There's this bird area.

And the dark snake area -

We went on and off this vehicle.

We just passed around the Deer Area.

 And went down to see the Lions and the Liger (lion + tiger) -

Then the cave -

 And more goofing around -

D, being the egg lover that he is, got excited with this

Somewhere in the stroll -

And you can see native black pigs like this one everywhere -

I teased D because he was finally able to see camels up close even though he lived in the Middle East for two years. Such a loser!

Then there's the Crocodile farm. I was not scared at first because they are just like toys because they are not moving but when they move OMG scared the hell out of me.

Oh there's also a pavillion where the local aetas danced. I wished I catch that on video. But here's the highlight, the tigers! NOTE: This was supposed to be a video but I can't make it work. Hehe

So that's it! We hope to do this reunion yearly or at least every two years. It was nice seeing the Talattad family bonding together. They have been deprived of this for years. Their dad being an OFW and their kuya living abroad. We are looking forward to next time when two more kids will join the squad. Oohh such joy!

Anticipating,

Yosh