I credit who I am today to my parents. They are my inspiration in life. If you are thinking that this is a mushy post, you are wrong.
Let's start with my mother.. My mama and I were never close. I cannot remember moments when we share intimate talks or even actions. We were like acquaintances - we never hug, kiss or say ILY. Up until now, we are like that. Sometimes, I get jealous when I see other mothers and daughters who are sweet with each other. Why can't we be like them? But when I think that 'Oh maybe I should initiate and start now?' Then when I look at her I will just erase the thought and think 'Awkward'. I blame it to the way she raised me. Come to think of it, she and my lola are not close either. She might have copied it from her. I also think that maybe we are not close because that's her way of protecting me. She wanted to instill in my mind that I should not be like her, that she needed to be strict to me so I will not get pregnant early. Well, she succeeded - I'm not close to her and I didn't get preggo during my teen years.
But after all the not so good things I said above, I'm still glad that she's my mother. Her ways of raising me made me strive harder in life. I wanted to do better so my future family will have a better life than me. I will raise my children as my best friends because I do not want them to experience longing for a sweet mother like I do.
And after all, she is still my mother. She may not worked her ass off to support me but still she contributed to who I am today so I want to thank her. My ways to show it are not sweet either. Lame. But I promise to help her until she lives - I will support her financially, I will send her child to school, I will make her life a tad bit comfortable. I owe it to her.
Just yesterday, she celebrated her 50th birthday. I wanted to throw her a big birthday bash so she can invite all her friends over. But she wished to have her house renovated instead so I granted her wish and paid for the floor tiles. If that will make her happy, then take my money!
I must admit that there are times I wish for a different mother. But when I think and think it through, I always end up thinking - Then what will become of me? I like who I am now, so nevermind.
My father? Argh can we just not talk about him? I do not have anything good to share about him. Ohh there's one! I said it in my wedding vows.. I promised to find a man that is not like my father because I do not want my children to experience all the pain I felt. BOOM! And nope, after all these time I still cannot forgive him. And don't go telling me that if God can forgive, then why can't I? Jeez I am not God. If only you knew everything.. But out of respect to him, because he is still my father, I will not tell. PLEASE DON'T ASK AGAIN.
Someday, someone will call me his/her parent (I hope). My wish is that he/she will write things better than this for me. I will strive hard for that. Until then, all I can do is prepare. :)
Wish me luck,
Yosh
